cairo, take two (part one)

Wednesday night we took a mini-vacation to Cairo for the weekend, since we technically are supposed to have three day weekends although we sure haven't seen many of those of late. Karim drove Chelsea, Yamila, and I to the city, which was about as entertaining of a drive as I expected -- bumping along the highway at 130 kilometers an hour, blasting techno and trance and various bad hip-hop songs, singing along and stuffing our faces with an impromptu McDonald's dinner. Drive-thrus in Egypt do not work like the drive-thrus in the US, and by that I mean they don't really work at all. All processes involved, like ordering and paying and getting food, were quite disorganized and inefficient, much like the traffic system. But we got our food (cheeseburger and an M&M McFlurry on my part) and scarfed that shit before setting off along the highway again. Yamila was scared shitless of Karim's speeding, but given my past experiences driving with BJ and Donny G and me by myself, he's got nothing on my own set of harrowing driving tales. Seriously, a dry asphalt road in Egypt is nothing compared to doing the Pass last Christmas during the blizzards.

Karim decided to race some cars as we were on our way, which was a bad idea on his part because his little VW Golf cannot hold a candle to the engine under the hood of a souped-up Mercedes, both Mercedes sedan and Mercedes tow truck. We lost to both. Apparently, Karim's car is about as efficient at accelerating as the Subaru Outback that my folks own, and though his pedal was to the floor all he could do as we were puttering along was smack the dashboard and shout, "GOD DAMNIT AZIZA, IMSHI, IMSHI!" which translates more or less as you'd imagine (imshi = go).

Our first night we spent in the apartment of Karim's friends, on the outskirts of Cairo in a suburb called Rehab (yes, that's what I think of the name, too). His friends are interesting people, one of which wound up playing a major role in our weekend events. The next morning we wanted to see the Pyramids, and after kicking Karim awake at eight thirty or so, we, the girls, bought a six-pack of classic Cinnabons at the Cinnabon store in Rehab and proceeded to eat two of them each. The guys working there clearly did not understand what we meant to do with those cinnamon buns, because they did not heat them up for us -- not that that mattered, mind you. I proudly/shamedly admit that I am the only one who actually finished both buns completely. Karim's friend Mohi got us lost getting our of Rehab, which is ironic since he was late for work and claimed he knew a shortcut. But I liked that guy -- he was entertaining.

The Pyramids of Giza are amazing. I learned a lot about Egyptian scams in the two minutes it took us to drive up the hill to buy real tickets from the real government vendor in the real ticket booth -- at least eight different men mobbed the car at different points, trying to get us to pay for various services. Tickets (real ones) cost only thirty pounds for us, since we are Egyptian residents in addition to being students. Wonderfully ineffective Egyptian security greeted us after checking the validity of our tickets -- we put our bags through an X-ray machine with no one sitting behind it, and walked unescorted through a metal detector that I am fairly positive was not turned on.

More scams awaited us inside the perimeter. Mind you, the Egyptian government takes harassment of tourists very, very seriously, and if anyone is reported to the tourism police who roam around on foot or on camel, they are immediately whisked away and most likely never heard from again. But that doesn't stop the enterprising young men who would occasionally stop us and ask to "see our tickets." For what, I don't know, and I never found out because I either never answered or I practiced my newly-learned Egyptian colloquial vocabulary and told them to fuck off.

But the Pyramids! The Pyramids are enormous. They are gigantic. They are behemoth. There are no words to describe it accurately. As I stood there I could barely comprehend what this massive pile of rocks signified -- its size didn't truly register in my mind until later, when I flipped through the pictures on my camera and realized that those tiny black specks next to the base were people. We only walked around the outside of the two nearest pyramids, since the last one was far and we were (are) lazy, and it was har neek (fucking hot). We also paid a visit to the Sphinx, which is... small. Very small. Not big and imposing like you'd imagine from the pictures and the hype, but tiny, especially compared to the colossal pyramids right behind it. It is also in sad shape -- by all accounts, it's rotting or wearing away from the inside due to pollution and rising groundwater, but restoration efforts have done more harm than good.

You're also not allowed in close to the Sphinx. It's guarded by an iron wrought fence, where guys sit just inside and tell you to pay them five guinea in order to come in. I don't know how they got there in the first place, but if you pay them you might as well light your five guinea on fire 'cause that'd be just as useful. Additionally, as Karim and I were walking up for a photo-op that he wanted, I glanced at a man wearing a nice black suit and James Bond sunglasses. He looked familiar. It wasn't until he said in a very surprised voice, "Iskanderani!" that I realized it really was our Special Travel Buddy, the man who escorted us through Sinai and put me and Chelsea up in a hotel for the night of Mount Mousa. I guess his job is to ride along with tourist buses from Alexandria to various destinations. He looked a little uncomfortable wearing such a fancy outfit in the hundred-degree weather. Har neek, and I was just wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

We took the afternoon to go to a little cafe in the building where Karim used to live, in Zamalek. Zamalek is a nice spot of Cairo that I missed last time -- there are trees, peace, and things seem tranquil and more relaxed than the rest of the hustle-bustle of the city. The juice we got was bad, but we did leave them some nice doodles on the paper they covered their tables with.

Afterwards, we took a felucca ride into the Nile to watch the sunset. That was beautiful and relaxing, and very delightful considering we ate at a delicious Lebanese restaurant afterwards. I succeeded in stuffing my face with food yet again, and went back to Karim's friends' apartment sated.

Two of his friends left for Alexandria that day, while one remained -- Kar Kar was supposed to take us to the opening of a club, but since that was two hundred fifty guinea entrance fee (fifty dollars US) we were not going to pay. Instead, we wound up just at a club called Latex, which is attached to the Hilton and is just as weird as its name suggests. We stayed until closing, when Kar Kar decided he wanted to pay a friend a visit before returning home -- we stayed out until five thirty am and I was very, very, very grumpy. Eff that shit, man. I wanted to go home two hours before, but no. I had no say. Whatever. I could go for maybe a few hours of sleep and then go out to see the city later.


TO BE CONTINUED.

another truckstop on the way another game that I can play another word I learn to say

another blasted customs post another bloody foreign coast another set of scars to boast

WE ARE THE ROAD CREW